Whoopes, sorry about that. This is the first one, I hope you like them. :D
I know I’m not gonna be active much, I’ve gone to leeds. So I’m not completely gone. Alrighty?
Okay, that was weird. I found my mother in my room pulling my sheets off the bed to re-make it and my Cronus pillow was on the floor so I picked him up and sorted him out. My mother looked at me when she was done and said.
“Okay, but gissguts back where he belongs”
She called him “gissguts”
She called Cronus “GISSGUTS”
I don’t even…
You didn’t…? I guess its more obvious when I’m talking and stuff. And I know I’ve been put down so much about my looks and its incredibly hard to take compliments and I tend to just brush them off but I do try to take them, I look at them and try to believe it but I just don’t feel any positivity from them. I know I will one day… I guess.
And I’ve had quite a few people call me brave too.
And I just don’t know what makes me so amazing? I mean… What is amazing about me?
But my submit is open~ just need to add /submit to my url, its always been open! And thank you! I look forward to seeing them.
It was 3am-ish when it was all happening, I was tired and upset so I ended up pushing my phone away for a moment and I managed to sleep. I know it sounds cold for me not to reply, I just didn’t know how back then.
I know I have some nice messages in my inbox right now and people are probably wondering why I’m not publishing them.
I just don’t know how to respond yet.
No, its fine. It wasn’t you, it was just the subject at hand. I know you didn’t mean it.
Now I’m lying here almost sobbing because that was a sensitive subject, a really really sensitive subject.
Oh… This is a hard question. So let me start from the beginning.
When I was very young I was in a accident that dislodged my jaw, giving me a overbite. I was offered a operation to fix it completely but at that time my mother made the decision and told them no. So I didn’t happen. My jaw is still usable of course but my top teeth completely overlap my bottom ones. Since that day I got bullied badly through it, in school, secondary school, college. People would call me things like “goofy”, a horse, ugly, people would talk to me slowly as if I had a mental disability and other things I’d rather not look back on. Sometimes in school I’d be sitting eating and people would stare, saying things such as “eww look, its eating”. The bullying got so bad that I got treated as if I was no longer human, people would spray things I touched, avoid me in corridors. I could go on forever about what was done to me. It was always my face, always my mouth and its come to the point I feel lesser than others, that I’m not normal. All I can explain is that the reason I don’t smile is because I feel like I can’t, that I’ve forgotten. I can try, but it just doesn’t feel right so I don’t do it. Even today people in public just look at me and laugh, they stare. At one point in my life I tried styling my hair and makeup to try and feel better about myself, I just got bullied again, and even by my own brother, that I looked like a orang-utan, that I was fat and had breasts like one. I eventually gave up the makeup and nice clothes because no matter what I did I still got bullied, people still stared, people still laughed, things were thrown at me.
It still happens, even today. I can’t smile, that’s it, I just can’t, and if you ever catch me smiling in a photo, I WILL ask you to delete it. I look hideous.
I’m surprised I still post selfies, even if its rare.
Even today my mother calls me fat, and that I have hair like “rats tails”.
Either way its never going to change, I’m ugly and I’m gonna have to live with it.
Again people will always stare, people will always laugh at me, face it, I’m not “normal”. And I’ll never be considered it.
*squeaky being squished noises*
Why is it that whenever I go to my parents for advice for when I’ve got something wrong with me they shrug it off. I keep getting a sharp short pain in my hip on the left occasionally and its been there for a while now and I’m starting to get worried.
But no, they shrug it off like its nothing at all. A few weeks ago I’m pretty sure I had slight food poisoning as for almost a week I was incredibly ill, I couldn’t eat or drink for about two days because my body kept rejecting it not even minutes after eating or drinking.
“Oh its just a common sickness bug”. I felt weak as fuck and I almost slept an entire day to recover, that was one hell of a week. And I’m not even gonna start on when I had to be rushed to A and E once but luckily it wasn’t all that major.
I’m going to my cousins tomorrow and I know for a fact they’re gonna ask after me and maybe check my skin because the last time I was down there I was sure I had a damn skin infection as the skin under my arms was bright red and flaking away and bleeding and I couldn’t wear anything thing on my arms because I was so sore.
My parents did nothing about it, but my auntie and cousin did.
Maybe this is just joint pain, I don’t know. I hope so. If my parents don’t do anything about it, I know my cousin will.
I just noticed I have 5 guardians and 2 of them are named after the Legend of Spyro guardians.
Oooooh I should go have a look at him!